From Cheer to Fear

While my childhood in the 1980s wasn't the happiest, I was aware that around me was an optimistic society.

Our hair was big and our pop music was bouncy (if you didn't count The Smiths). A particular favourite of mine was Mental as Anything's 'Live it Up' (below), which never failed to boost my spirits.



We'd somehow successfully navigated the threat of Nuclear war, oil running out and the closure of the pits and most of us looked forward to the future.

Clothes and pop music were eagerly devoured with the lines to all our favourite songs learned from 'Smash Hits' magazine or 'Jackie'. Pop star pull-outs lined our bedroom walls.

No one cared about looking like a supermodel. In fact we only had models. Supermodels hadn't yet been invented. However we accepted that very few people looked like a model and were happy with 'pretty' and aspired, if anything, to 'girl next door' in terms of looks. That winning combination of wholesomeness and prettiness.

Drugs were virtually unheard of in the Irish town where I grew up. Glue sniffing was about it and many of us bought (or were bought) a single of 'Just Say No!' by the Grange Hill cast. Our teachers still walked around with a cane under their arm (at least in my first year) -  gesture enough to keep the vast majority of us in line at school - as we knew they had the power to use it.

When I did school work experience on my local newspaper and was paired with Don, the 'Courts & Sports' reporter, crime was low level. the odd stolen ladder or charity box. Father Ted genre crimes.

While our homes tended to be decorated in various shades of brown and our parents' cars beige, we ourselves were colourful and any clothing, particularly involving a fluorescent zigzag paired with a RaRa skirt, was a must. We also loved experimenting with make up and hair.

We enjoyed thriving shops, libraries, community centres, pubs, cinemas and nightclubs. Banks, Post Offices and ticket offices were plentiful as were jobs. If we wanted something we generally had to work for it and save for it, but that made the acquiring of it all the sweeter. You had to be about 50 with a mortgage to be trusted by the bank with a credit card. Luckily our cheque books and cash did us just fine.

If we had time to feel blue from our busy social lives, we just felt blue for a while. No one called it 'depression' or 'anxiety'.

You had to sit and wait for the phone not to ring to get your heart broken, not have it mercilessly shattered within seconds of checking on your love interest's internet or mobile phone activity.

No one seemed to worry about their weight or what they had or hadn't been blessed with in the body part lottery. Or at least if they did, they never talked about it. Life was for living, for getting on with.

Fast forward to today and we have a society which seems ever more miserable and fearful, even though it's never known more material goods and comfort and enjoys international travel we could only dream of!

We have allergies that kill us (as oppose to merely being a nuisance) and people with anxiety and depression from a young age.

Yes, we have tackled many of our 'isms', but as societal acceptance has grown, other intolerances seem to have risen up to take their place. In the good old days friends could have a difference of opinion without falling out over it. That level of diversity seems to have evaporated. I believe we have also become less caring about each other and more selfish as a nation. I remember people sticking up for each other and helping each other as communities. I remember respect for the elderly. What happened?  And how could social isolation become the number one social ill in an unprecedented era of electronic connectivity?

Social mobility was also important. Now most wealth is going one way - in an upwards direction - to those who already have far too much of it. This is having a crippling effect on the rest of the economy, akin to a tourniquet cutting off the blood supply to the rest of the body. Debt has been turned into credit -  abracadabra!

Our tramps (who often took to the road by choice) have been replaced by homeless in ever increasing numbers.

Addictions of all varieties are skyrocketing and it is not uncommon to find people in their 20s complaining of a level of ill health they might have expected to encounter in their 60s.

As if we needed any more woes, we are warned there is a 'climate emergency' but are not told what we are supposed to do about it, apart from worry and find ourselves fleeced for ever more taxes, greener cars, greener boilers etc, usually within a few short years of replacing the previous for environmental reasons.

The TV news has almost become a no go area with its carpet-bombing of doom and gloom.

Perhaps that is why we still find so much 80s music playing everywhere we go. It reminds us all of how life should be. Buoyant and optimistic. Looking forward to a bright future!

I for one refuse to live in fear. Let's all make this our mantra.

Workplace Bullying - stamp it out!

All workplaces experience internal conflicts or disagreements from time to time as part of normal working life. Above is a handy chart explaining the difference between a natural occurrence and an artificially created one.

Obvious forms of bullying would be name calling, shouting at or even physical shoving. Now there are better laws against the obvious, what is more commonly seen nowadays are the following more pernicious types.

Less obvious forms of workplace bullying include:

• Constant nit-picking and fault-finding of a trivial nature

• Not giving appropriate credit or praise for good work

• Undermining or belittling someone in front of others or encouraging co-workers to.

• Not including someone in normal workplace conversations or activities

• Setting unrealistic goals/moving the goal posts/inconsistency

• Repeatedly disallowing meaningful work in favour of menial tasks

• Giving someone too much or too little to do

• Increasing responsibility while reducing authority

• Withholding information to prevent someone from doing their job properly - ie setting them up to fail

• Dismissive behaviour

• Exclusion from meetings and training opportunities

• Not standing up for that employee when there is a (genuine) issue or witholding support.

• Exhibiting favouritism towards other employees which disadvantages the target

A clever bully won't necessarily do the above all of the time just so they have some examples of how they've treated the employee fairly in case the employee ever plucks up the courage to complain about their treatment. This messes with the employee's head even further when the bully is sometimes nice to them.

In the early stages of being bullied at work, the victim may feel that they are at fault and will attempt to work harder or behave in a way which reduces the unfair behaviour of the bully. This unfortunately gives the bully the means to control the victim further, increasing their ability to manipulate.

It is a common misconception that employees are bullied because they are weak or incompetent. On the contrary employees are often targeted because they are competent and good at their jobs and their aggressor (often, but not always, in a senior position) feels threatened by this or jealous of them, rather than seeing them as an asset who can help them look good/the company thrive, if treated respectfully and lawfully.

Employees who face bullying in the workplace may experience a number of issues, including stress, depression, illness, insomnia and even suicidal tendencies. 

There is also a high cost to business  

• Higher staff absenteeism and turnover

• Lower staff morale

• Decreased productivity

• Legal and workers’ compensation claims

• Time lost for managers dealing with issues

• Potential reputational impact

It is hard to quantify what the yearly cost to the UK of workplace bullying is as so many employees are still too scared to report bullying as they cannot afford to lose their jobs (unfortunately the messenger is still often shot, despite being the victim and doing the company a service in flagging up a serious problem which will eventually impact on their bottom line.) Many more are forced to sign non-disclosure agreements, even if they have spoken up. Shockingly up to one in three women and one in four men report they have experienced workplace bullying in their lives. Even more shockingly women are just as likely to be bullied by other women as men. Protected characteristics legislation has helped, but many staff continue to be bullied outside of these.

Here is a basic infographic of the dynamics of workplace bullying.

There are no failsafe ways to deal with office bullying, but if you cannot stop a colleague/boss bullying you, here are a few things to try;

• Does your company have an anti-bullying/harassment or respect policy? If so, read it.
• Talk to their boss to try and resolve, reminding them of aspects of company policy.
• Join a Union and seek advice and support
• Talk to HR (if you have an HR officer or department)
• You can also get free advice from ACAS on the phone
• Contact National Bullying Helpline for help and advice here
• Keep a diary of anything untoward that happens, just the dates and facts, in case you need to file an IGP (internal grievance procedure) or take other actions later.
• Look after yourself, ie sleep, eat and exercise regularly
• Minimise your contact with your bully if possible (work from home or another location? Plan holiday dates different from theirs?)
• Ensure you have a life outside work which offers you comfort, self-esteem and distraction.
• Do the best you can and try to stay as positive as you can with your other colleagues until the situation either improves or you can find a better one.
• Remember, it's not your fault. You are an employee with a problem, not THE problem and your employer has a duty of care towards you to sort bullying out once made aware.

International STAND UP to Bullying Day is 28th February 2020. Get your workplace involved!

The Ghost of Stuart Lubbock

It is 19 years since Stuart Lubbock, a 31 year old butcher and divorced father of two, was found dead in TV star Michael Barrymore's swimming pool following an all night party in March 2001, yet Police are no nearer to solving the tragedy.

Of two things they are sure. It wasn't suicide and it was no accident either.

Stuart died of a serious forcible assault causing devastating injuries to his anus, possibly while being choked and drowned at the same time, which would explain the absence of reported screams as he was being attacked (there is some difference of opinion between pathologists).

Police believe they have narrowed it down to three suspects who would have been strong enough to carry out the assault, possibly two of them working together. A fascinating Channel 4 documentary 'The Body In the Pool' has spent two and a half years poring over the evidence and interviewing friends and family, Police, pathologists and journalists in their pursuit of the truth in this still 'live' case.

A £40,000 reward for new information has been offered by Crimestoppers and The Sun in the hope that loyalties will have changed and consciences may have started to weigh heavy in the intervening years. All eight people present that night deny any involvement but at least one is lying and it is highly possible more than one was a witness, if not a participant, in the crime.

Interestingly all the guests were known to Barrymore except Lubbock, who had been picked up that night in a nightclub and invited back to the party with them. It happened like this. Lubbock had gone to his local nightclub with his brother Keith as they did every weekend. At some point Stuart popped to the loo and returned excitedly telling his brother that Michael Barrymore was in there.  Michael Barrymore subsequently emerged and a female friend of Barrymore's invited Stuart Lubbock back to the house for a party. Lubbock's brother was all but ignored as Barrymore and hangers on, now including Stuart, swept out of the nightclub and into a taxi. It was the last time Keith saw his brother alive.

Everyone who knew Stuart agreed that Stuart wasn't gay. If anything he was a 'ladies man' who had struggled to stay faithful to his wife. What they all agreed is Stuart would have been 'starstruck' by meeting Michael Barrymore and probably flattered to be invited to the star's party, keen, no doubt, to tell all his friends and workmates about it on Monday morning. Stuart came across as somewhat naive and trusting.

The taxi driver who drove the group to Barrymore's home in a nearby Essex village was interviewed and said Barrymore seemed drunk as he was unable to walk in a straight line. While he drove them to the house, Barrymore (sitting behind him) leaned forward and mumbled. 'I could do with a f**k.'

What happened next is sketchy, but one of the guests remembered seeing Barrymore rubbing cocaine into Stuart's gums in the kitchen at some point in the night (which Barrymore denies). Barrymore himself talked in a filmed interview of lending swimming shorts to his male guests and putting on the pool lights.

Early next morning one of the guests rang 999 to report a body in the pool. By the time the emergency services arrived, Barrymore had had the body removed from the pool, claiming that he himself couldn't swim, a claim quickly refuted by his ex-wife and many others who knew him.

At first the Police were swayed by their interviews with party goers claiming the death was accidental and did not seal off the house and pool as a potential crime scene, a mistake they later admitted. Police believe that opportunities were taken to remove incriminating items from the scene and from the house, possibly by Barrymore's personal assistant (though he denies this). Certainly the property was cleaned up in between the incident and the Police returning some time later.

When Stuart's inquest came up, interestingly Barrymore hired top QC Michael Mansfield to represent him. It is almost unheard of to bring a QC to an inquest as it is the purpose of an inquest is to establish who someone was, where they died, when they died and how they died. It is not the purpose of an inquest to establish if a third party was responsible and who that third party might be. An inquest is not a criminal proceeding. In the event disagreement between pathologists meant that an open verdict was recorded.

Which brings me to some things which bother me about Barrymore;

• His first reaction was to flee his own house when the body was found.
• When challenged as to why he had not entered the pool to get Stuart out he claimed he could not swim (subsequently contradicted by those who knew him well). It would also have been odd indeed for him to buy a house with a swimming pool and keep a collection of swimming trunks around if he could not swim.
• Items were removed from the property (including a pool thermometer and door handle) which may have played a part in the death
• Barrymore hired a top QC to represent him at the inquest.
• In 2002 Barrymore demanded another investigation into Lubbock's death and tried to claim Lubbock's internal injuries must have been inflicted in the hospital. A Police investigation showed this was untrue.
• Barrymore has said it was just 'another night' which happened to go wrong, as if such an incident doesn't warrant a fuller explanation or Stuart were somehow partly responsible for his own death.
• Having initially been questioned and cleared. after a second arrest and questioning six years later, Barrymore tried to sue the Police for £2.4m in 2018, claiming they had ended his career through 'unlawful arrest'. He won nominal damages.

However aside from the unsavoury nature of the case, I believe it is Barrymore's own lack of answers and deep remorse for the fact a young man died at his house which have effectively ended his career.  Some expectation that the passage of time means that somehow yesterday's news doesn't matter anymore. In fact he is even 'harassed and bullied' over the Lubbock death making Barrymore the victim!

Yes, he may never have been charged but Barrymore was a family entertainer and his many fans would have been appalled at the scandal surrounding the Barrymore brand, not least that there has been no proper closure for the poor Lubbock family.

Doubtless Barrymore is sorry and wishes it had never happened, but he comes across as feeling sorry for himself most of all.

The ghost of Stuart Lubbock has clearly not finished its work for the loss of Barrymore's lucrative career is surely the worst possible fate he could face and every attempt to re-start it has backfired over the years.

In a recent press conference Essex Police made it clear that they believe someone present at the party killed Stuart Lubbock and they are still confident that they will apprehend the murderer.

For me the most horrifying aspect concerning this alleged murder is that it may have been committed, not for money or revenge, but for fun. For kicks.