I know it's my own fault for being addicted to makeover shows (much though they tend to act as wallpaper while tapping on my laptop), but do you ever see something on TV that makes you experience a 'Whoops, wrong planet!' moment. I mean make-up for BREASTS??? for example?
The day I apply make-up to my décolletage is the day I book in for a sex-change and give up trying to be female altogether! Writer Shirley Conran once famously declared 'Life is too short to peel a mushroom!' Yet day-by-day it seems we females are getting suckered into becoming total body prisoners to a relentless tyranny of unsustainable, unaffordable, (mostly useless), high maintenance, beauty and health regimes, all of which are being railroaded through our sub and waking consciousness via the devious means of our own insecurities as 'essential', and even normal, to the extent that eventually it will probably become abnormal not to have that fortnightly Botox injection/Brazilian, and the woman who resists will be a freak or social outcast.
To get back to basics, try going into your local pharmacy to buy a no-nonsense all-purpose moisturiser. They scarcely exist any more. Instead you will find a dizzying array of day creams, night creams, elevensies creams. And not just single products either but whole ranges of each product for each part of the body, one set for each skin type/tone/age, one set for anti-aging, one set for pro-aging (?), one set with SPF's in, one set with 'pentipeptides' one set with Q10 in etc etc - and none of them cheap. And that's not to mention all the strange serums, skin glazes, shimmers, misters and body blacmanges (?) that abound for who knows what purpose. Such expeditions have been known to leave me seriously depressed, often exiting the store empty-handed.
It is only a matter of time until whole nations of females are rendered housebound as their beauty regimes do not permit them time to leave their homes any longer and they must get up before they go to bed to find time for it all.
Needless to say fake tans and wrestling with foundation every morning are not my idea of fun either, so I don't. If I'm honest it's all I can do to keep the leg leylandi down and abide by the law of cleanse, tone and moisturise.
And you guys complain about shaving???
But to return to mammary make-up - doesn't the very concept suggest that women are baring way too much these days? (ie exposing their décolletage to the extent that it then needs make-up to disguise the sun damage)? The most ironic thing was that after they'd finished with the latest victim in this week's How to Look Naked, the make-up actually made her previously normal-if-modest breasts look saggy with all the extra 'shadow' in between, rather than pert! No thanks.
19/5/08 OMG! On this week's 'How to Look Good Naked' they covered FULL BODY MAKE-UP for the beach and PUBIC HAIRDRESSING! Shoot me now!
