Well it's been a hard day's night spraying all the grey squirrels red in my local park to fool the Pest Control 'operatives' from the local council.If you ask me culling them is taking anti-Americanism too far. First we import them from the States in the 19th Century. Now we complain there's too many of them and they have to die! Oh and then we accuse them of killing all the native red squirrels.
I asked a red squirrel in Yorkshire if this was the case. 'Oh no', replied Tufty 'It were the bubblegum and the stockings what did it. Our red womenfolk couldn't resist and there weren't hardly any left for us red menfolk to breed with, so we started dying out! If you look closely you'll see today's greys still have flashes of red on their heads, paws and tails. We Yorkshire squirrels had to make do. No jitterbugging for us.'
So the greys are victims of their own success it would seem. Not that we humans can talk, having long lost control of our own numbers.
And now reds are being bred out it would appear. As a red, I propose a cull of brunettes, blondes, greys and whites to redress the balance...
