Saturday, 24 October 2009

Who Will Expose This Evil In Our Midst?

A lot has been said about the facist evils of the BNP, but what about the SNP (Scottish National Party)? It seems to me that with their insidious 'Tartan is Right!' chant and blatant agenda to force every man, woman and child in the UK to become Scottish, this party is getting off any cricitism Scot-free!

Now I'm as liberal as the next person and some of my best friends are Scottish, but I'll be damned if anyone forces me to speak in a funny accent, use funny money and eat fried mars bars. And their plan to convert all British church bells to the bagpipes is outrageous!

And frankly who needs better schools, more caring hospitals and fairer justice in the Courts system, not to mention an end to gazumping in the property market and Rabbie Burns day? Not me.

As for putting a stop to the further climb of the BNP's Nick Griffin. Easy peasy. Aside from the impossibility of taking a man who looks like Humpty Dumpty seriously, one could easily complete the look and ensure he never reaches higher office by swapping his shampoo for hair removing cream (history demonstrates that the electorate seldom votes in the bald guy - even if they actually give a toss about the politics).


Steve said...

Deep fried Mars bars...? Hmm... I'm sold! See yoo, Laura, yer a fine wee hen butcha hev no idea aboot Scots cuisine...! ;-)

garfer said...

Alex Salmond is named after a fish (apparently his mother was a Free Presbyterian haddock) and resembles a squashed teacake.

He has a point though. Haggis is the only solution to world hunger, AIDS, and climate change.

I prefer Plaid Cwymru. They all get as pissed as a Dylan Thomas newt and have names like Rhodri and Cerys. And they can sing a bit.

And they don't wear plaid.

Wisewebwoman said...

I'm all for universal kilts. A level playing field so to speak.

And mandatory hair and haggis.

All an improvement on our current system.


Reluctant Blogger said...

Ah yes, just imagine the fun that could be had. We could fill egg shells with hair removing cream and lob them at him. Oh yes, what fun!

Mind you, one might get him in the eye and then I guess he's be in with a fighting chance of success!

Nota Bene said...

I thought the Scots were already in charge.....

Steerforth said...

I haven't forgotten the Porridge Riots of 1794, when Lord McSporren tried to force the English to have salt instead of sugar.

Nota Bene is right. The Scots do run the country and I think that Messrs Brown and Darling have quashed any national stereotype about being tight with money (unless you argue that they aren't actually spending their own money).

Dan said...

There's a brilliantly extended windup of a Scottish audience by Stewart Lee - here

Hope you enjoy it!


teeni said...

Still laughing at what Steve said!

The Poet Laura-eate said...

Perhaps you'll yet convince me Steve! You seem well converted already! ;-)

Garfer, tis a pity the wild haggis is such a wee beastie to catch! It'll never be cheap enough to solve world hunger, though in truth I suspect it is but a kebab in disguise (aka in a pig's bladder)!

WWW - I agree with you re the hair. I think only evil people should lose their hair. That would also make them easier to spot plus give them a choice of being good and noble if they wanted to retain their hair!

RB - you rebel you! Hang on a mo' I'm coming with you!

Notabene - you're right. I fear we have been infiltrated by a defector. Or do I mean defective?

Ah, the infamous Porridge Riots of 1794. I remember them well.

A worthy addition to the canon of observation Dan, thanks.

Cheers Teeni - I must pop over and visit you soonest! Lx

urko said...

This is one of those odd pieces of syncronicity - as I was driving home today I was musing on the similarity of the party names and the disimilarity of their policies. Oh well - as usual you have said it better.