Thursday, 31 December 2009

Sinister Product

My jaw nearly dropped to the floor upon finding THIS in a health food cafe!!!

In just what way is a product endorsing people to 'tox up' after its consumption and actually implying by its very existence that it will save its consumer from harm either responsible OR a health food? (I wouldn't care to be their insurance company either when the legal suits start rolling in from numerous hospital beds.)

And who can afford to pre-tox, tox and then de-tox? If I had that kind of spare cash I'd sooner splash out on a new sound system for the car.

I know there'll be lots of people toxing up tonight, it being New Year's Eve and all that, but let's not lose sight of our cynicism here. Lest such cynical operators seek to take advantage of us by out-cynicising us.

Which brings me to the Pre-Cyn drink I am developing in my head - a new range of drinks called 'I Can't Believe It's Actually Part Of My 5-A-Day And Will Genuinely Make The World A Better Place'

No more a case for the Trading Standards Authority than Alibi, surely?

My secret ingredient...? Now that would be telling!

Happy New Year to you all - in the most genuine sense of the word 'happy'. Who needs substance abuse to be happy (aside from lots of cake, obviously)?


Rol said...

Happy New Year, Laura. I'm raising a cake in your honour.

Steve said...

To tox or not to tox, that is not a question I have ever or will ever consider I am happy to say... have a very happy naturally toxed or untoxed New Year!

Wisewebwoman said...

Happy New Decade Laura, may toxins of any kind stay far far away from you.

Helen Rappaport said...

Happy New Year Laura. Mine was decidedly alcohol free as I'm recovering from the double whammy of a dose of novovirus followed by a streaming cold. I was tucked up in bed at 10.30 last night but I heard the fireworks later! Have a good new year. Much love, Helen

Oliver said...

Happy New Year, Laura!

I agree about Alibi! It sounds like yet another pointless product being flogged to gullible 'yoofs' in Rip-off Britain!

What about 'Active Pre-Death Drink' to prepare one for the mega-buzz of fatal overdose? Could prove popular among pop stars.

garfer said...

Happy New Year Laura.

I'll stick to macrobiotic free range hedgehog and green lentils. That's my resolution.

The Sagittarian said...

Oh yeah, happy new year and all that jazz!

white rabbit said...

So would five bags of chips fulfil the five a day requirement?

I'd think so...

Moi said...

What happened to celebrating the old fashioned way? Drink, get drunk, pop a few aspirin, spend the next day on the sofa with trash magazines? Works por Moi. Happy, happy New Year to you, dahlink – may all your dreams come true in 2010

tony said...

Make Mine A Pint!

Reluctant Blogger said...

Happy New Year, Poet!

I am on my alcohol-free January so I shan't be investing in Alibi and I don't like cake. Can I have a piece of stilton instead? Is that OK?

Dan said...

That does look rather bad - but not as bad as the range of "energy" drinks called... RELENTLESS. Who would want to be that?

The Poet Laura-eate said...

Rol - a toast of cake to you too!

Steve - very wise. Hang onto those boyish good looks for as long as is humanly possible!

WWW - thank you for your lovely blessing, which I recipocate in kind and in full! Happy New Year!

Helen - you poor thing - what a pants start to the New Year. I do hope you are feeling better now (and got my phone message). Hope to see you soon.

Oliver, thanks for the great drink concept idea - perhaps we should go into business together! Happy New Year.

Garfer, don't forget to de-prickle the hedgehog first - apparently you bake them in mud. But M&S was clean out of them so I guess I'll never know. Happy New Year!

Sagittarian - Oh dear, sounds like you started early! But Happy New Year anyway. Lx

White Rabbit - thanks for dropping by! Alas potatoes don't count as part of one's 5-A-Day - too starchy. Yes, I was devastated too! Happy New One!

Thank you Moi. And yours too! Happy New One.

Pint of Pre-Cyn coming right up Tony - welcome to my world!

One piece of stilton coming right up RB - congratulations on booze-free January. Am sure you will feel a new woman by the end of Jan (but I won't tell anyone if you don't ;-)

Relentless Dan? And that's just their marketing campaign, right? Happy New Year! Lx