Friday, 15 January 2010

It Ain't Easy Being Unemployed, Middle-Class Trailer Park Trash

A bitter comedy poem about being unemployed from last year (and yes I really do live in a Park Home, if not the one in the picture.). Only now can I share the pain of the discrimination I faced, not least by my local council, who while happy to take my council tax off me whilst in a job, point blank refused to grant me any Housing benefit, as their computer wouldn't compute my abode as being a proper house or get its head round the concept of 'ground rent' despite my production of the rent book. It took WWIII to get any Council Tax benefit out of them either, the b***ards! Simultaneously I was failing to get job after job at the time, though thankfully I finally got one in the end. Performing this poem relieved the pressure somewhat and raised a few laughs from fellow maligned (and sidelined) middle-class.

It Ain't Easy Being Unemployed, Middle-Class Trailer Park Trash

People think posh voice, must have cash
If only they knew I was the unfortunate victim of
10 elocution lessons for my 7th birthday
Though it never won me a Home Secretary's pay
I also suffer from the handicap of being half-classed
My father was middle class, and my mother was wirking class!
So to upper classes I'm just a fraud
And to lower classes, a female lord
I complained of my plight to the Minorities Commission
But they seemed disinterested in my distressed condition
So I told them I was a zoroastrian, Esperanto-speaking, metrosexual celebrity trapped-in-a-nobody
Desperately seeking a grant for trans-status reassignment surgery
And hey presto, they started taking me seriously
Now I'm fourth in line to be the next Jade Goody
Meanwhile on Equality and Diversity monitoring forms I tick every box
Get invited for every interview, attend, just to pop their vox
When they see I'm not differently-abled, ethnic or elderly
Just everyday unreconstructed wirking class bourgeoisie
With a few ideas above my station, admittedly
(Well, have you seen how the railways are being run these days?)
It grieves me to say they turn a funny colour, swell up, implode their hidden agenda
As I challenge them to prove they're not using this form as a discriminatory filter.
Before hinting I may be an Employment Tribunal 'mystery shopper'
It Ain't Easy Being Unemployed, Middle-Class Trailer Park Trash with a penchant for egalitarianism
Especially when there's no box for it.

© LS King 2009


Wisewebwoman said...

And please tick the box for "Exceptional".

The word "buffoons" comes to mind when I ponder upon those blighters.


Steve said...

Laura, you're much too good for this country. Certainly much to good for the bureaucrats who run it (into the ground).

Geoff said...

Posh? You're hardly Brian Sewell (though wasn't he born in the East End of London?).

The way the unemployed are treated in this country is disgraceful.

Reluctant Blogger said...

Oh you are so clever. That is really funny. Half-classed indeed. I think I am too. Although I learned to be bilingual - it's worth it you know, I switch accents at ease. Well, except when I am tired and I get it all muddled up.

Had no idea you had had all these troubles. Bastards indeed.

The Sagittarian said...

Loved this too, my mum has a wee cottage by the sea if you're ever in need of a writers retreat!!

The Poet Laura-eate said...

WWW - that is so kind, but I wouldn't presume to pigeonhole myself even any sense, even such a positive one!

Steve - I thank you and am sure the UK would love to chuck me out given the slightest opportunity. Which country do you suggest I should seek asylum with?

Geoff, only working-class made good 3rd generation down like most people - but a little above Brian Sewall if what you say is true!

RB - thank you. Yes I can do about six accents but only one language and have a horrible propensity to become Scottish after a few days in Edinburgh as per a previous poem!

Sagittarian - asylum in NZ - wow! I might take you up on that. But be warned, you might never see that cottage by the sea again!

teeni said...

This is a riot. I always wish for good and better things for you but I love the posts that come out of you during rough times. I hope that doesn't make me a bad person. Hugs to you! :)

teeni said...

By the way, I have stumbled you. Hope it brings some traffic your way! :)