Tuesday, 30 December 2008

Calendar Boys

In previous years when confronted with this sort of calendar

I have always defaulted to cute kittens doing cute things, Dilbert cartoons or comedy nuns, as I do not approve of human beings being reduced to sex objects.

However the calendar industry has been more than usually sneaky in spotting the niche in the market for we females who like our calendar subjects a little bit classier and dressier, and this year I have spotted not one, but THREE tempting calendars.

Decisions, decisions...

Luckily I am not into *this* sort of calendar.

No, the 'Vatican Beefcake' effort does not appeal. And frankly I'm appalled the Pope allows them to flaunt themselves like this in their priestly vestments since they are supposed to be celibate. Must be getting a kick-back from the calendar sales.

I eschewed the naked farmers flaunting their parsnips too, doing it for British agriculture. Or somesuch. Those Yorkshire WI women spawned a monster. Even builder's bottoms get their own calendar these days I notice! And right next to Thomas the Tank Engine.

So it's just a new diary for me while I see who's left in the mall next time I visit - think the last Colin Firth has already gone. And lots and lots of these before it becomes illegal for shops to sell 100W bulbs on 1st January. Don't worry if you miss the deadline though - I'll sell you one of mine for a tenner!

My last trip to a Woolies this week and not a thing could I find to buy, though I consoled myself that no purchasing decision on my part could save it now, sadly. But I still love my duck-egg blue kitchenware from Woolies purchased a couple of years ago when I got my own place and they evidently still had a decent buyer or two left who bothered to co-ordinate the merchandise.

This is the time of year I assiduously avoid the newspapers for the duration as I can't bear all those end-of-year reviews, 10-page horoscopes and endless seasonal adverts, pull-outs and fall-outs. I mean that's half the recycling box full before the xmas wrapping and packaging gets a look-in, and no refuse collection for two weeks either! So I content myself perusing the Christmas Radio Times until it falls to bits and trying to read some proper books.

My only nod towards a blog end-of-year review will be to offer my two favourite tracks of the year.

This is what I call 'The Credit Crunch song' - actually 'Paper Planes' by Mia, portraying a defiant underclass getting its own back on the corporate world - note the ad for the singer's clothes in the video - just in case you want to adopt some underclass chic (which I may well be doing soon).

Best dance track of the year must surely be Dizzee Rascal and Calvin Harris's Come and Dance With Me, which I shall doubtless be bopping to on New Year's Eve.

Happy New Year, and may all your promises to yourselves remain unbroken.


Tessa said...

And a very Happy New Year to you, too, Laura. Like you, I hate these marathon year end retrospectives all the newspapers run, and would rather spend the interregnum between Chrimbo and New Year's reading a good book or three.

Onward and upward shall be the watchword for 2009!

Steerforth said...

Happy New Year! You belong to the 90% of people I know who've had a pretty crappy 2008, so let's hope for better times to come.

teeni said...

I'm all for the cute kitten calendars, I must admit. LOL. But to be practical, I really also need one of those giant paper blotter desk calendars to write all my appointments on so that my husband can also see them and remind me of them. We leave it in the work area of the kitchen and it works out great so far. The calendars with pictures are merely for show at this point since they usually are too small for me to write all my info on them. Are you serious about those vatican men calendars? I had no idea. I am just in disbelief. Wow. Anyway, I'm not doing resolutions this year or any year. I don't mind setting small personal goals for myself but I never do it at the beginning of a year. I do it when it needs doing. LOL. I do wish you a happy, healthy, new year and one that brings you good fortune and good future memories! Hugs to you, Laura!

moi said...

Happy, Happy New Year to you, Miss Poet Laura, and may you experience oodles of joy, prosperity, and good health in 2009. And one of those calendar boys, but not the priestly one. That's just wrong, even by my lax standards.

Steve said...

The Vatican beefcake pic made me laugh - living le vie de Roma? I'd love to see one featuring the speccy, tweed wearing C of E vicars from round here. Have a wonderful New Year Laura and a fabulous 2009 - you deserve it!

Your word verification thing came up with "meregal" - that you ain't, Laura!

Brother Tobias said...

I can't see that priestly calendar is going contribute much to Pope Benedict's for the rain forest or 'the ecology of man'!

Happy New Year, Laura. Seems to me you've displayed enough resolution for 2008 to be excused new ones for several years.

Brother Tobias said...

'aspirations' needs to be inserted somewhere in myu previous comment! Sorry!

Betty said...

A happy new year to you too - hope it turns out better than the last one seems to have been.

Good song choices.

The Hollyoaks' Hunks calendar I saw in a shop yesterday looks pretty ridiculous. Wonder if there are any Aidan Gillen ones on the shelves anywhere?

Geoff said...

Great tracks. Calvin Harris is the new Terry Hall, dontcha know?

We decided against the 12 Popes calendar this year and have gone for a Frogs one and a Garden Birds one.

Old Fogey said...

I do share your grief at the passing of Woolies. There can never be another store like it - everything from DVDs to shoe repair kits via wine gums and light bulbs.

I get the impression that the Papal beefcake is for gay consumption - which is interesting given the Pope's views.

Best wishes for the new year.


The Sagittarian said...

Happy New year to you, Laura! We are currently in Brisbane (Australia) for a month and so far it has averaged 33 degrees during the day and 23/24 at night. Too hot to sleep or even move come to think of it! Hope all's going along well for oyu and that the New year brings some good things. xx

Can Bass 1 said...

Of course, my dear, if I were a member of a certain cathedral choir on the south coast (Portsmouth) you might be able to add me to the list of ecclesiastical beefcakes available for naked scrutiny. It is, as they say, all for charity. And their lay-clerks are an awful lot younger and more handsome than ours!

KAZ said...

Strangely - I find myself wanting a look at your duck egg blue kitchen ware.
Is there a calendar?
If not - I'll make do with my Everton one as usual.
Happy new Year Laura

Nota Bene said...

Ah Catholic hypocrisy! Goes back to time immemorial (as wth all religions...)

Hopefully 2009 will turn out to be like the ugly duckling...

Happy New Year and may the Gods be with you!

Wisewebwoman said...

The very best to you Laura dear for 2009. It just can't be worse than 2008 for you!!
I loved the Credit Crunch number, mesmerizing!!
Keep poeting, keep the faith (in you!).

Dan said...

Happy New Year to you too - did you know the Dizzee Rascal song is on the soundtwisters site I did for Jason? Your tastes constantly confound... In a good way.

I always get the impression Mr. Rascal is actually rather a nice chap - not a thug like so many other rappers - but that's just a hunch heh.

The Dotterel said...

He's certainly got a sense of humour, judging by his appearance on Shooting Stars (where they called him 'Dozy Rascal').

Lucy Fishwife said...

Happy New Year Laura! Hope 2009 treats you with kid gloves and, later on, a huge cheerful bomb of glitter and chocolate confetti. Our bestselling calendar last year was "Flower Gardens Of The Impressionists", this year it's Topless Shopkeepers Of Richmond And Kew. How times change. I blame it on Calendar Girls myself. I overheard two yummy mummies giggling to each other "Get one, go on, it's got that man from the fishmongers with no shirt on..."

Henry North London said...

Happy new year Laura

Ive fixed the problem with my profile
You should be able to read me now

Reluctant Blogger said...

I've never seen the point to calendars. My mother always had one and wrote things like "dentist" on it but I would hate to be reminded of that every day for a month. Diaries are far more sensible.

I went into Woolies just before it closed and there were piles and piles of ironing boards, toasters and desk fans. I had this almost irresistible urge to buy loads of them just because they were only £2.99 each. But it was sad to see the shop empty.

Anyway, I am waffling. I do hope you have a better year in 2009. I am sure you will.

Gina x

Dan said...

Just like how Mark Twain said golfing is "a good walk spoiled", calendars are nice pictures wrecked by extraneous text and spaces not really big enough for anything, and you're stuck with one crappy image for the whole month.

My sister got me a Natural History Museum "Wildlife Photographer of the Year" calendar for xmas. January is an image showing the tip of Canary Wharf peeping out from a dense carpet of fog. Not a nice image for January, not any wildlife, can I have a refund?


Stephen said...

Yes, I managed to get into a Woolies back in Belfast while I was closed, and it was a sad experience. I did spend some money there, though.

So many memories, buying back to school stuff there.

Oh well.

Happy New Year!

The Poet Laura-eate said...

Tessa, thank you. I wish you an improved 2009 as well.

And you Steerforth. I know you've had a particularly tough time.

Teeni, I prefer practical calendars with writing space on too & have ended up buying such despite my paroxyms over which favourite actor to choose! Yes I think the Vatican Beefcake calendar is for real unbelieveably.

Moi - thank you. I am glad you feel as I do re the Vatican Beefcake calendar.

Cheers Steve - Sssh don't mention the CofE vicar calendar - they'll only go and do it and it will be gruesome!

Thanks BT - sometimes I think my whole life is one long New Year's Resolution! I seem to be forced to change more than most people for some reason anyway - whether that's a good or a bad thing. But I guess we're all a work-in-progress when it comes down to it.

Aiden Gillen Betty? Your wish is doubtless the Calendar Manufacturer's command! Happy New Year to you too.

I hear this years' 'Pop-Up Pope' calendar is particularly obscene Geoff. Good on you for choosing the naked wildlife.

OF - good point - Catholic priests are supposed to be celibate whichever way they/their followers swing! Yes it is so sad Woolies lost its way like that.

Sagittarian - lucky you in Brisbane - it is currently minus 7degrees C here!

Well Can Bass - I can't say I approve of the whole concept of church beefcake in any shape or hue but at least you wouldn't be hypcritical in your suggestion if relationships are allowed amid the ecclesiastical choir you mention!

Kaz - I know exactly what you mean. Good calendar idea and no, I'm not selling my duck-egg blue kitchenware to you!

Notabene - and may the force be with you in 2009!

WWW - thank you so much. I live in hope. All the best for a happy 2009 yourself. Glad you liked the music.

Dan thanks for your lovely comments about my eclectic choice in tracks. Yes I reckon Dizzee is secretly a sound bloke, much though rappers are not normally my cup of char (more it is so unusual to find a good one, I feel compelled to include the odd rap track when I come across it!)

Dotterel - quite!

LucyFishWife - A Topless Shopkeeper's Calendar -OMG! Are you in it perchance? Maybe your good self, Steerforth and others could cover fill The Naked Booksellers calendar niche for next year to perk up the book trade ;-) Thanks for your good wishes re the chocolate and glitter bomb - I like!

Henry - nice to hear from you -thanks muchly for dropping by - you're back on my list!

RB - thanks so much. And you. Yes I know what you mean about the piles of ugly cheap lamps etc in Woolies in its dying days - I don't know what on earth possessed their buyers to make the choices they did toward the end.

Dan I've heard there's some quite wild life in Canary Wharf, but probably not of the kind you are looking for. 'Award-winning' indeed - you should definitely ask for a refund!

Stephen - thanks for yours and hope you had a nice Christmas in the old country, Woolies mourning notwithstanding. Top of the new year to you!

usedbuyer 2.0 said...

The priests are creepy, but but have you seen the Mormon Missionaries calendars, Men on a Mission? The maker, himself a Mormon, was excommunicated, though the boys weren't.

Henry North London said...


Some lookers there laura