- Googling 'How To Start Your Own Political Party' I find that 53,600,000 have beaten me to it. Almost the entire population of Britain. Are they really all so disillusioned they are each intending to start one?
I have been toying with the idea of calling mine The British Common Sense Party. Or even The British Salvation Party in honour of our fine upstanding friend on the left (but without the religious bit). Among other things, it will stand for:
- Restoring some national pride in being British (minus the racism, ageism and sexism of old)
Investing in our film, television and music industries (ie the stuff we do best!)
Preventing the brain drain by nurturing home grown talent and effectively marketing it.
Manufacturing toasters that fit toast
Manufacturing underwear and footwear that bears some relation to the female form.
- Subsidising home grown produce and products over imports.
Children not being dressed as hookers by their parents who then complain that their children are not safe to go out and play.
Adults not dressing as hookers themselves and then complaining about how they cannot find more than a one-night stand.
Reverting to 5 TV channels of at least 70% quality programming.
The promotion of love, friendship conscientiousness, good manners and charitable works as beneficial to all/an antidote to depression from the school yard onwards.
The reversal of the dumbing down process in education and one period a day of compulsory poetry!
Banning all dangerous drivers from the roads - in some cases forever.
- Life meaning a life sentence when a murder is committed.
Raising the driving test age to 21 (the vast majority of accidents are caused by the under 21s).
Care homes where the elderly can remain unseparated from their pets and spouses.
Palliative care available to all with terminal illnesses.
The latest drugs available to every patient/patients allowed to test new drugs upon request.
A requirement that all immigrants learn English, integrate and embrace British laws and values if they choose to live in Britain (when we remember what our values are, that is) with a 2 year requirement to work and pay national insurance here before qualifying to use the National Health Service.
A tax bonus for all couples who are married for 2 years before having children.
£100 per year to each individual who manages to keep themselves fit and out of hospital and not use their £500 per person NHS allowance, thus freeing it up for those who really do need it/have expensive medical needs.
Childless couples pay for their own IVF since it is not an illness, though women who wish to get rid of their babies may be offered the cost of their abortions as an incentive to consider adoption to couples desperate for a child.
- No further ruination or demolition of any pre-1930s heritage.
These and other policies will partly be financed by massive fines for spitting, drinking, dogging or dropping litter in public, taking drugs, careless driving etc, though common sense becomes up to a point self-financing as it reaps its own rewards (ie fewer hospital re-admissions when patients are given the latest drugs for example)
Perhaps I should start with a straw poll among you, though I must firstly apologise for being such a terrible blogmate of late - getting ready for a string of OxFringe shows took over somewhat. But I am back and ready for round 1 in the hustings!