Tuesday, 30 March 2010

Vote For Me - you know it makes sense

  • Googling 'How To Start Your Own Political Party' I find that 53,600,000 have beaten me to it. Almost the entire population of Britain. Are they really all so disillusioned they are each intending to start one?

    I have been toying with the idea of calling mine The British Common Sense Party. Or even The British Salvation Party in honour of our fine upstanding friend on the left (but without the religious bit). Among other things, it will stand for:
  • Restoring some national pride in being British (minus the racism, ageism and sexism of old)
    Investing in our film, television and music industries (ie the stuff we do best!)
    Preventing the brain drain by nurturing home grown talent and effectively marketing it.
    Manufacturing toasters that fit toast
    Manufacturing underwear and footwear that bears some relation to the female form.
  • Subsidising home grown produce and products over imports.
    Children not being dressed as hookers by their parents who then complain that their children are not safe to go out and play.
    Adults not dressing as hookers themselves and then complaining about how they cannot find more than a one-night stand.
    Reverting to 5 TV channels of at least 70% quality programming.
    The promotion of love, friendship conscientiousness, good manners and charitable works as beneficial to all/an antidote to depression from the school yard onwards.
    The reversal of the dumbing down process in education and one period a day of compulsory poetry!
    Banning all dangerous drivers from the roads - in some cases forever.
  • Life meaning a life sentence when a murder is committed.
    Raising the driving test age to 21 (the vast majority of accidents are caused by the under 21s).
    Care homes where the elderly can remain unseparated from their pets and spouses.
    Palliative care available to all with terminal illnesses.
    The latest drugs available to every patient/patients allowed to test new drugs upon request.
    A requirement that all immigrants learn English, integrate and embrace British laws and values if they choose to live in Britain (when we remember what our values are, that is) with a 2 year requirement to work and pay national insurance here before qualifying to use the National Health Service.
    A tax bonus for all couples who are married for 2 years before having children.
    £100 per year to each individual who manages to keep themselves fit and out of hospital and not use their £500 per person NHS allowance, thus freeing it up for those who really do need it/have expensive medical needs.
    Childless couples pay for their own IVF since it is not an illness, though women who wish to get rid of their babies may be offered the cost of their abortions as an incentive to consider adoption to couples desperate for a child.
  • No further ruination or demolition of any pre-1930s heritage.

    These and other policies will partly be financed by massive fines for spitting, drinking, dogging or dropping litter in public, taking drugs, careless driving etc, though common sense becomes up to a point self-financing as it reaps its own rewards (ie fewer hospital re-admissions when patients are given the latest drugs for example)

Perhaps I should start with a straw poll among you, though I must firstly apologise for being such a terrible blogmate of late - getting ready for a string of OxFringe shows took over somewhat. But I am back and ready for round 1 in the hustings!

11 comments:

Tessa said...

Were I living in Britain, I would probably vote for your party, Laura. But please, please don't call it the Common Sense Party, or use the first two words anywhere in its title. That phrase was co-opted by a Conservative, racist, right-wing nut job here in Ontario who, elected under the banner of the Common Sense Revolution, proceeded to gut every social program in sight and embarked on a 5-year feud with teachers. He memorably explained his rationale for ending social welfare payments to single mothers with the excuse that they would only spend it on beer, anyway!

Welcome back! You were missed.

Steve said...

You've got my vote. Where do I sign.

By the way, what's your view on the tax question? I.e. How much?

Nota Bene said...

You have my vote..on the basis that you have super-human powers and can revive the dead:

The Sad Passing of Common Sense

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.

Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children

He declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Panadol, sun lotion or a sticky plaster to a student; but, could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realise that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I'm A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realised he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

Steerforth said...

Yes, I'd go along with these policies.

Could you also add a minimum speed limit as well as a maximum.

Wisewebwoman said...

I'd add replacing all fast food joints with slow food eateries, but other than that - carry on Laura.
XO
WWW

The Sagittarian said...

Yup, gotta kick those fast food joints to the kerb...and banning Tv chefs?

donn w2Nz said...

Flat universal 20% taxation?
Sign me up.
In theory this is all common sense and should be a no brainer..that's what makes me so angry about living in this stupid world.
How did everything get so far out of whack? Let us bury Marx and Rand in the same coffin anf get on with it.

Don't apologise about posting, you should be allowed to do it whenever...it's a shame that readers demand a rhythmic rotation of new material or they merrily wander off.
I've pretty much given up on Blogging and seem to be content whoring aboot on Facebook...
who knew?

rielouise said...

I'll vote for you if you buy me a pint. Now you're not likely to turn into a malevolent megalomaniac, are you?

Oliver said...

I'll vote for you.

But I would like to add the policy of giving life in jail to any railway staff who are are rude or in any way inconsiderate to passengers.

Moderation is my middle name!

The Poet Laura-eate said...

Thanks Tessa. I will certainly bear in mind what you say about that Canadian right wing rotter and would certainly never seek to take social services away from those in genuine need, though we do have a lot of scroungers in the UK - some of them third or fourth generation jobless, who choose to live on benefits and somehow get away with it, when they are perfectly capable of training and working.

Steve - I don't think people would resent tax nearly so much if they felt they were getting value for money from their taxes, rather than the feeling that they are paying more and more and getting less and less for their money. The first thing I would do is reduce all government waste - which would save many billions a year for starters. Alas you can only tax the high earners so much these days before they bugger off to live somewhere cheaper and take their money out of the economy with them, so I would assemble a crack team of Tax experts to guide me on the fairest way forward for all on this issue.

Brilliant Notabene - how's Home Secretary grab you once I've finished the CPR on common sense?

Steerforth, they've just changed most of the main roads in Oxford to 20mph - causing twice as many fumes so so much for green hype! However with the driving age raised to 21 and the irresponsible drivers penalised and removed from the roads, the roads should automatically become pleasanter under my reign.

Donn - your blog is so politically amazing I feel intimidated visiting it to bow before your photoshop wizardry combined with profound thought and outrageous fun. I am sure you will find your creative mojo to take up its cudgels once more.

Rielouise - thanks for dropping by - no common sense demands both feet on the ground - truly. And I'm of an age now where I can happily be famous and successful without losing my head.

Oliver, I find it hard to disagree! Particularly if they had failed to attain the NVQ level 3 in Customer Service, I would make every individual doing a customer service job pass before letting them anywhere near a customer.

Dianne said...

I don't even live in your country and I want to vote for you! I love your list of policies. Common sense is just so darned appealing. Perhaps once you've got England straightened out you can bring your wisdom to Canada and sort us out as well. Nice blog by the way.