Here's a poem I wrote a while ago to cheer up a friend who was feeling somewhat sorry for herself over a rather elongated period of time. It was meant to be reverse psychology to shock her out of it (minus the current), but I think it may have backfired! In which case, I've little to lose by sharing it with you...
Worthless Human Being
The Samaritans have gone ex-directory
The vicar's changed his locks
The doctor's struck you off
The postman's nailed up your letterbox
Junk mailers no longer want your disposable income
You owe Reader's Digest free prizes
Your computer recognises you as an ‘illegal manoeuvre’
Your dog has defected with basket, next door
Your family and friends have formed a victim support group
Your mobile phone signal is no more
The birds stop singing when they see you coming
Colleagues take early lunch and beg transfers to Cairo
Rain falls solely on you from a customised cloud
Alien abductors return you un-vivisected
MI6 can’t be bothered to bug or follow you
Science has donated your body back, Oxfam your clothes.
No one wants your blood or organs
The Library just fines you.
No one will lend you their biro.
You whinging, self-pitying excuse for a person
Yes, you’re not wrong, I can't think of a worse one.
© LS King 2006
I'm just off for some therapy now to address 'friend retention' issues.