Friday, 30 May 2008

Flatish Friday

Perhaps it is the grey skies overhead, or perhaps it was coming across these when clearing out my spare room the other night, but feeling a bit uninspired today...

The Pilot

Dear Miss King

I would like to take this opportunity of thanking you for choosing me. I know there’s many other airline pilots you could have chosen, and I look forward to being of service to you again in the near future. Please return the in-relationship magazine and collect your overnight bag and confiscated shampoo on your way out of the terminal building.

PS: Apologies I was unable to watch the in-flight movie with you and prevented you from going out. Passenger disapproval issues often mar my relationships. The therapist is looking into it.

The Businessman

Dear Miss King

Thank you for expressing an interest in me. I regret to advise you that you have been unsuccessful in securing my affections on this occasion, but I will of course retain your details on file for future reference should a further vacancy arise, and/or the opportunity to purchase shares in me at a very favourable price when I float myself on the Stock Exchange next Spring.
May I take this opportunity to wish you all the best in your future propositions and acquisitions.

The Banker

Dear Ms King

I’m afraid your credit rating with this facility has slumped into negative equity with the result that owing to the credit crunch I will be forced to withdraw my fiscal Bonus Reward services with immediate effect. I wish you luck in securing a bridging loan of affections elsewhere, but would caution against the risk of diminishing returns. You may of course keep my complimentary gifts including the embossed mousemat.


Anonymous said...

Yikes! Okay, you need to be cheered up. First look over at Boris the bunny for a few minutes. Next, go to youtube and search on the laughing babies. They are GUARANTEED to make you smile.

moi said...

Well, y'all's airplanes may be gray, but at least they run on time! That's that silver lining in every cloud kind of thing. Sorry. I'm crap at cheering people up.

Anonymous said...

Not feeling at all cheerful myself so no use for jollying anyone else along.

I really liked these - although I am such an incoherent mess today that I cannot explain why. Perhaps I should try? Um. . . well, I guess cos I love playing with official type language in inappropriate ways. Not sure that makes sense.

Glad there were no manbits today anyway - no matter how small.

Hope you have recovered your bounce.

Steve said...

Hey, some days I'd be happy with an embossed mouse mat. Pilots, businessmen and bankers are all lousy lays anyway. Allegedly.

Lucy Fishwife said...

Pilots are all sleazy philanderers with fake tan and fake Rolexes. Businessmen secretly know NOTHING about wine but insist on ordering it for you. Bankers smell of small change, which frankly mings. Need a laugh? Try copy-editing my boss's book reviews, in which she describes the protagonist of Carmen Callil's "Bad Faith" as 'a Nazi pasty' . Only when running it through the spellchecck did I spot this and correct it first to 'patsy' then, after a second, to 'fall-guy'.....

Lucy Fishwife said...

P.S. Yes I noticed my typo too. I don't use spellchecck on Blogger. I resent having to use spellchecck at all, especially when it's my keyboard that's cccccrazy on ccccs. XXX Luccccy

The Poet Laura-eate said...

Teeni, thanks. I tried the cute kitten-of-the-day website and that did the trick!

Moi, a silver lining or two wouldn't go amiss! Or a silver liner in the clouds!

Hope you are also feeling better today RB (though the skies remain just as grey!). Perhaps you have had a lot on your mind lately. I'll try not to add any more men's bits to your burden!

Steve thanks. Wise words indeed.

LucyFishWife, you'll be gratified to know my taste in the opposite sex has since improved (though the letters were somewhat exaggerated for comedic purposes!)