Perhaps it is the grey skies overhead, or perhaps it was coming across these when clearing out my spare room the other night, but feeling a bit uninspired today...
Dear Miss King
I would like to take this opportunity of thanking you for choosing me. I know there’s many other airline pilots you could have chosen, and I look forward to being of service to you again in the near future. Please return the in-relationship magazine and collect your overnight bag and confiscated shampoo on your way out of the terminal building.
PS: Apologies I was unable to watch the in-flight movie with you and prevented you from going out. Passenger disapproval issues often mar my relationships. The therapist is looking into it.
Dear Miss King
Thank you for expressing an interest in me. I regret to advise you that you have been unsuccessful in securing my affections on this occasion, but I will of course retain your details on file for future reference should a further vacancy arise, and/or the opportunity to purchase shares in me at a very favourable price when I float myself on the Stock Exchange next Spring.
May I take this opportunity to wish you all the best in your future propositions and acquisitions.
Dear Ms King
I’m afraid your credit rating with this facility has slumped into negative equity with the result that owing to the credit crunch I will be forced to withdraw my fiscal Bonus Reward services with immediate effect. I wish you luck in securing a bridging loan of affections elsewhere, but would caution against the risk of diminishing returns. You may of course keep my complimentary gifts including the embossed mousemat.