Thursday, 16 September 2010

The Poet Laura-eate's Philosophy of Driving

Driving To Impress

Driving should be like ballet dancing
No junction slaloms, no jerks, no jarring
Just skill and grace with assertive pace
There's no room for road rage on the highway
By the immature ego which can't get its own way
If I had my way all ego would be left at home posturing
In front of a mirror until finally maturing.
And as for those who get a kick
Out of forcing other drivers to be psychic
With their treatment of indicators as an optional extra
Don't they realise they're holding up their own Vauxhall Vectra,
With the extra time it takes to anticipate their actions
In time to prepare appropriate defensive reactions?
Driving should be like ballet dancing
No junction slaloms, no jerks, no jarring
No crunch of gears, no screech of brakes
No crunch of cyclist or other road user makes.
Keep those sweeps fluid-smooth and hug those bends
And when you reach a junction, stop and look at the end!
Your car will thank you with lower garage bills
If you haven't contributed by mis-use to its ills
Ditto insurance premiums and other fetters on driver freedoms.
'Cos what goes aroundabout, comes aroundabout
And that's what it's all about.
So take pride in your driving, enjoy guaranteed arriving
Be nice to other drivers. Be a knight of the road
Nobody likes, admires (or wants to shag) a Mr Toad.

© LS King 2010


Steve said...

I'd love to see Jeremy Clarkson's response to this. I suspect his will be a limerick...

Geoff said...

But Mr Toad
Had no other bugger on the road.

I wouldn't cycle anywhere nowadays and I'm getting close to stopping driving, too. Then again you're not even safe walking on the pavements round here.

garfer said...

The central reservation causes me enervation,
and Big Brother's over
so I'll have to buy a Rover,

Which won't turn over.

Wisewebwoman said...

Your advice is well heeded
But completely superceded
By cars on the loose here
All vigilant for moose, dear.


Steerforth said...

Thirty years ago, this would have made a very good text for a road safety film, narrated by Michael Horden (minus the "shag" reference, of course).

Whatever happened to the public information films? Are we all safe now?

The Sagittarian said...

Loved this post, and I do have a thing for red my WV is "oomph"

The Poet Laura-eate said...

A rather rude one I suspect, Steve.

Geoff. I quite agree that the streets are getting ridiculously unsafe for all users - hence my poem to address the driving aspect.

Garfer - sheer poetry.

WWW. Sublime. Not that we have any moose to worry about here. Just some human ruminants.

Thanks Steerforth. I may indeed try to sell it to the DoT. Minus the shag reference, obviously, except for the post-9pm watershed. Yes, whatever happened to our caring government trying to save us from ourselves, not least now our roads are busier than ever?

Thanks Sagittarian. I love and own a red car too - a Skoda Felicia!

urko said...

On a point of order, road safety films have been replaced by roadside matrix signs, which, when not displaying inaccurate and/or ourdated "information" about (non existent) hazards ahead are put to work displaying pithy (and worthy) propoganda like "Think: don't drink and drive" (if you're already hammered and driving past isn't it a bit late?)

The Poet Laura-eate said...

Urko - quite, but I shall pursue my ideas as far as I can on the public information film front just in case.