Monday, 10 March 2008

Former Colleague

Cheryl The Peril

Unsolicited teddy bears and texts
Sinister stuff.
Of her Parish Priests' unrequited love
She cannot get enough.
My former colleague from the bank
Stares out from the national newspaper
With all the dignity she can muster
For a Priest harasser.
Bound over to keep the peace
Her amorous advances must now cease
(or he'll call the Police).
What happened to pastoral care?
Was he really so scared of a teddy bear?
Or was watching him potter shirtless in his kitchen
The situation his diocese hadn't sufficiently trained him in
From her widowed mother's bedroom across the road?
No mercy for this lovelorn miss, Christian love be blowed,
For he loves Jesus, Cheryl, and you're a mad woman
To think you could compete has only left you a sad woman.
Isn't it time your love life stopped making the national papers?
Like that time you tried to sue the bank over your disastrous liason with a manager?
I remember, even when I worked there,
You'd just had six months off for depression from another doomed affair.
You were the Receptionist and had to smile your 'trust me' bank face all day long
And Lizzie covered for you when you sobbed in the staff room.

© LS King 2008

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moi said...

Goodness. And I thought we Yanks had the market on scandal cornered with our plethora of celebutant shenanigans. But, I don't think much can compare to the tsk-tsk factor of priest love gone wrong!

Steve said...

Wow. True tragi-comedy. QUite, quite sinister too. Not so much a bunny boiler as a cross covetour (is there such a word)?!

Anonymous said...

She's a God-botherer who's all hot and bothered.

Big Al x

Rol said...

Great story. Cheered me up on a bad day.

Anonymous said...

Nicely symathetic to the person suffering the love pains... I must say, I felt terribly sorry hearing about Andy Kershaw, being done for "stalking" his ex, and think it is a more complex situation than many give credit for - he couldn't accept that things were over, probably behaved awfully, but also deserves some real sympathy too... is this one of the angles of the poem you wanted to look at?

The Poet Laura-eate said...

Priest love gone wrong is indeed a terrible thing Moi! Let's hope we never know it.

Sorry Steve, cannot locate a covetour in the dictionary. Yes it was certainly a surprise to see Cheryl staring out at me from the newspaper!

Quite so, big Al!

Rol, I'm glad. Sometimes other people's misery is an excellent boost isn't it?

Dan, I know we've had this conversation (at your house last night), but for the record I see no point in penalising someone like Cheryl without sentencing them to compulsory counselling as well as presumably she is already in her own personal hell, and is never going to be helped by further punishment.