Thursday, 20 March 2008

The Poet Laura-eate's Adopt-An-Heiress Scheme

An appeal to all well-heeled would-be Patrons of the Arts at that youthfully-challenged stage of life who may be starting to worry about their posterity.

Fallen out with those greedy, ungrateful middle-aged kids?

Not too keen on cats?

Fed up with that Donkey at the Sanctuary that never writes back?

Want to be more than a park bench when you depart this vale of tears?

Sponsor the Poet Laura-eate to live a life of wild poetic abandon (ie give up the day job) and she will use some of that time to visit and entertain you at least once a week and be the dream daughter you always wished you'd had and can proudly boast about to all your friends.

Should you one day decide to leave her all your money, she will then;

A. Pen your biography - beautifully. In iambic pentameters, if you wish.
B. Erect public fountains, gazebos or statuary in your memory - all three if finances permit!
C. Ensure your castle or manor house is not bulldozed in favour of a new Supermarket, bypass, airport or housing estate.
D. Look after your dog for the rest of its life & water your plants.
E. Cherish your garret or turret tower as her own.
F. Take your Library books back.

Naturally owing to limited supply of Poet Laura-eates, this offer must be made on a strictly first come, first served, basis!

I'll even throw in a free Easter egg for the duration of the Easter hols!


moi said...

Atta girl. That's the way to do it. If only I didn't owe everything I possess to the IRS and live an entire ocean away, I'd sign up. I've always wanted a fountain of myself.

Anonymous said...

haha yeah if I actually had any money I would leave it to you. My children would only fritter it away on Nintendo DS games after all.

Trouble is, by the time I peg it, you will be too old and knackered to live a life of wild poetic abandon.

Have a wonderful Easter. I hope the Easter Bunny leaves you lots of lovely chocolate.

Steve said...

Free chocolate? OK - you're on; where do I sign?

Happy Easter, Laura! ;-)

KAZ said...

A wonderful offer which I must decline with reluctance.
But thanks for reminding me about those library books.

Crimzen Creative said...

You've convinced me, I shall you leave you the ladylanguage fortunes - let's see...I think I'm at about a negative $25K...

p.s. Thanks for updating our link - that was very thoughtful!

Rol said...

If anyone's looking for a dream son too, I come similarly priced.

The Sagittarian said...

Brilliant idea. I might do that from over here, mind you, bods with dosh are rather thin on the ground in these here hills mores the pity!! Had a friend onvce whose mothers motto was "Marry for money - you can marry for love any time!"

Old Fogey said...

Put me down for a fiver. That should keep you going for a minute or two.

The Poet Laura-eate said...

Thanks for all the positive feedback. I'm truly touched! Not many people realise there was a mis-hearing re the sermon on the Mount and what was actually said was 'The cheek shall inherit the earth'. Not unlike the mis-understanding of the 'cheese-makers' as illustrated by Monty Python in 'The Life of Brian'

I think there will probably be a market for my services in due course. And a bit like dating, you need the right Benefactor/heiress blend in order that both parties gain from the arrangement! But a fair exchange is no robbery as they say.