Monday, 28 July 2008

The Perils Of Emulating Livestock...

In this increasingly prescriptive 'free' country of ours
My attention is drawn by a newspaper headline
Bannered 'That Mutton Moment - knee no no's after 35'
Demanding an end to above-the-knee hemlines
For females 'of a certain age'
Who don't want to be confused with a tired hock of meat

If ever I'd sought to emulate a form of livestock
Be it lamb or mutton
And followed the herd
This might well succeed in preying on my mind
Not least since there's no companion article on
What a funky monkey who intends to be the bee's knees 'til the day she dies
Should be wearing this season.
Oh dear, guess I'll have to wing it….

© LS King 2007

But where do the fashion police stand on Jelly Shoes for the over-35s, I wonder?


Brother Tobias said...

It's not hard to guess which rag ran that story; I'm assuming the Mail, sometimes described as the worst newspaper in the world.
The white ones are cool. The pair on the right are reminiscient of the view through those X-ray machines in shoe shops, in the days when turning your back was believed to provide adequate protection against H bomb tests.

LucyFishwife said...

I like the sparkly ones! I'm really very jealous as I have feet of a baroque hideousness (well, maybe that's overstating the case, but hammer toes definitely) and it took me well into my 20s to feel brave enough to wear sandals/flipflops etc. I envy people with straight and even toes to the point where I grind my teeth.

Rol said...

The gladiator sandals are a bit too scary Amazon for me.

But I'm easily intimidated.

teeni said...

I'm right there with you, Poet. What's wrong with being the bees knees until after the thirties. Sheesh. I'm hoping there is life after that for us as I don't plan on simply disappearing or being treated as invisible. And I LOVE the sandals on the left. The ones on the right look comfy but the others are my fave. :)

Old Fogey said...

Laura - Women over 35 in short skirts is not something I can make an impartial judgement on - except to say that, personally, the more I see of women, the better I like them. My real concern is men. Is there any way of banning shorts on men over 30? I don't know what women think of them but summer has become a mixed blessing for me - girls in summer dresses, lovely - men in shorts, with belly overhang, surely not. It may be nature's way, of course, of reducing the birth rate.

KAZ said...

Hi funky monkey!
I love the jelly shoes.

I never thought I would but I'm wearing leggings again.

Please don't tell the style police - it's all in the best possible taste..

Steve said...

As long as they're not Lelly Kellies (or whatever they're called) you'll be fine!

The Sagittarian said...

Cool shoes! I am in "summer envy" at the moment - remind me to keep my mouth shut next summer we have will ya? It is colder than I care to say over here at the moment!!

Wisewebwoman said...

I have so simplified my shoe life from a comfort point of view.
Birkenstocks for summer,
Uggs for winter.
Asics for walk/jog.
And damn it all to hell I wear an above the knee effin skirt and I'm over 60.

The Sagittarian said...

I mai live to regret this, but have issued you a challenge at mine ('ood have thought it?)

The Dotterel said...

Very superior jellies, Laura (not a bi like my daughters)!

moi said...

Jellies at any age are on my list of Fashion no-nos. But I'm kinda digging those gladiators. Still, leather (or plether, for the vegan-minded) is better, regardless.

And one should always strive to be the bees knees.

The Poet Laura-eate said...

I believe it *was* indeed 'The Daily Hate Myself' BT, though like Marcus Brigstock, I only read it to make me angry enough to write of course!

Don't be too jealous LucyFishWife - my feet are my best feature but hardly the one people notice first!

I'm a mere pussycat Rol. Honest!

Attagirl Teeni! A girl after my own heart. And I'm sure you'll keep in shape too with all that running!

Old Fogey - you are a gentleman of taste and discernment, but hey, tell you something you *don't* know! Quite right about beer bellies needing camoflage. Re shorts, it depends on the legs to be honest as I know a sixtysomething guy who still has great legs. Socks with sandals should be a capital crime though!

Kaz you minx - I bet you look groovy in your leggings!

Lelly what, Steve???

Poor you, shivering in the snow Sagittarian! Do they sell 'Pudding Shoes' for winter in your neck of the woods

WWW - rebel WITH a cause! Good on you. Must confess I also find it hard to find shoes that are both stylish AND comfortable - virtually impossible in fact.

Sagittarian, I have visited your blog and considered your gauntlet, but upon reflection since David Tennant is currently cutting a swathe through his girlfriends at a rate of approximately two-an-hour, I shall not be fighting you for him after all. Or maybe I'll just wait half an hour until he's finished with you! ;-)

Thanks for dropping by dotteral. And thanks for the compliment - I'll be right over to visit your blog soonest.

Moi, you must admit other vegan shoes are pretty limited. I think you should open your heart to stylish Jellies!

Betty said...

Would definitely wear the ones on the left. I get a bit fed up of so called fashionistas telling women that they shouldn't wear anything interesting once they reach middle age. Of course, we should all become invisible and preferably stay behind closed doors knitting shawls while men of all ages are free to ogle at teenage girls in mini skirts in the street.

The Sagittarian said...

Phew, thanks cos for a minute there I was worried I would actually win!! (Not, you're a far better poet than I am) - see you at the pub for a consiliatry bevvy then! (Your shout)

Anonymous said...

Oh I love gladiator sandals - I have two pairs of those. Not a massive fan of jelly shoes myself but I am a flip flop wearer. I always have incredibly brown feet - no idea why they are so much browner than the rest of me but it looks a little odd, like they have been transplanted from someone else!

I think women (and men) should wear what they wish. I don't think women's knees are good after the age of 30 (from the back) but who cares.

The only thing I really dislike to look at in either the male or female form is the muffin top - white bellies exposed and hanging over jeans or skirts or whatever. Not an attractive look. But if people want to wear those things, then they should. I just have to look away (very quickly!).

LucyFishwife said...

I was in Russell & Bromley the other day (not my usual shoe destination but I was with a friend who needed New Job Shoes)- and they had some transparent jewelled jellies for NINETY-FIVE POUNDS LAURA. I nearly passed out. I can only asssume the jewels were real at that price.

The Poet Laura-eate said...

Blimey LucyFishWife - mine were £7.95 + P&P on e-Bay!