Friday, 18 July 2008

Politicians Moving Forwards Actually

Honest Politician

Vote for me and I promise
To spend 98% less time in real terms
Slagging the mismanaging freeloaders of tax payers' money,
(otherwise known as the previous, Right dis-Honourable Government), off
And getting on with the job
Of arguing with Newsnight presenters
Browbeating my dissenters
And conjuring oratory
Whispered down a small ear mike to me
In ever more impressive-sounding
Patterns of convolusive evasiveness
Replete with the spurious figures and stats
That suggest I am doing a great deal
When in a very real sense
If you cared to follow my ambidextrous verbosity
(For which no shovel is large enough)
Through its maze of Machiavellian machinations
You would see
I am merely a vainglorious exercise in how many ways
There are of saying nothing
Spending nothing
‘Moving forward’ while standing still
As I practice my signature on the history annals.
Oh I have spin to make your head spin
So you won’t know your Left from your Right
How else do think I’m going to win?
Policies?
How very passe of you!
Vote for me – yes honestly…

© LS King

*I ought to make it clear that this poem is not specifically about David Cameron MP, and any similarities between Mr Cameron and this poem are as co-incidental as he chooses them to be! More a question of his picture seeming to go with the poem best!

9 comments:

moi said...

Dang, you're brilliant. I would love to thrust the following lines at our own limp-noodled candidates:

If you cared to follow my ambidextrous verbosity
(For which no shovel is large enough)
Through its maze of Machiavellian machinations
You would see
I am merely a vainglorious exercise in how many ways
There are of saying nothing.


Nail. Hit. Head.

Rol said...

You get my vote, Laura... but... did you just manage to sneak a rhyme into that one?

"Of arguing with Newsnight presenters
Browbeating my dissenters"

Careful you're not drummed out of the Serious Poet's Union.

The Sagittarian said...

great stuff! Over here its Poetry Day so I headed here first and as usual wasn't disappointed. (Actually, believe it or not I have a politician friend who seems to be an exception to the usual "rules" about Get Elected, Then Forget Everything you stood for to Get Elected =- but he's only one person....)

LucyFishwife said...

Vote for me or this cute puppy gets it...

Steve said...

Even without his picture I'd be thinking "David Cameron"... he's so smarmy and sincerely untrustworthy... unfortunately he's very polished. And I suspect the GB public will vote for a polished turd rather than a pathetically dried up one (such as Gordy) at the next election. Heaven help us.

Can Bass 1 said...

My dear lady. Whilst congratulating you on your latest offering, may I raise the tone above that of political posturing? For you are the recipient of an award, and if I could trouble you to click on my link, you will find it waiting for you. Good show!

Can Bass 1 said...

PS: I do hope you don't consider it the most confounded liberty - naming you without first begging you permission. If so, please accept my humble apologies.

Wisewebwoman said...

Laura:
I was reminded so much of Nobama in your wonderfully satisfying romp.
XO
WWW

The Poet Laura-eate said...

Moi - 'limp-noodled' sounds worrying indeed - they definitely need some verbal dexterity at least or else what are they selling you - their bodies (perish the thought!)?

Rol, I often sneak a rhyme or two in. Sacrilege I know!

Wow Sagittarian, you really DO know an honest politican!! Can you send me a lock of his hair? PLEASE?
He'd be mobbed over here.

LucyFishWife - I've tried that one with publishers! I'm now officially a serial schnitzel-killer!

Steve, you may sadly be right that our Mr Cameron is no more than a polished turd. Let's throw down the guantlet and ask him to step forward and prove otherwise!

Can Bass 1 - What can I say? I am truly touched and honoured!!!
I will respond with appropriate thank you post (and my own nominations) as soon as I've had time to recover and get my head back to normal size!

WWW - thanks for your lovely comment.