Friday, 26 September 2008

Bad Jeans

I have always regarded the trend for prolapsed 'Deputy Dawg' men's jeans as one of the vile-est (next to the tea-stain variety that make wearers look as if they've pee'd themselves - only a good look for alcies who really have), and wondered how on earth members of the male persuasion - previously notorious for shunning anything faffy - were persuaded by the fashion industry to be arsed to bother with jeans that were perpetually falling down their buttocks and worse still, make them all look as if they have stubby little legs, possibly webbed at the top, even if they are actually disguising quite a nice legs and arse combo in reality.

Some while ago I'd heard they were known as badass just got out of jail jeans, as real prison-issue jeans never fit and obviously get mis-shapen after a few months wear and tear out on the chain gang - though why a chap should wish to look as if he has just got out of prison is a mystery - so the Police can identify/re-arrest him for questioning more easily following every subsequent crime in the neighbourhood presumably...?

However the other week I heard a fellow poet reveal that the actual meaning of these slobby-yobby sloppies was to denote that a man was sexually-available to other men, owing to the ease of access as he bent down, and wouldn't heterosexual wearers be horrified to know and dumping their trendy jeans in droves pronto? tee hee. Could give a whole new meaning to the term 'boyfriend jeans', if not also 'fashion victim' and 'crack addict'!

These jeans have always acted as a sure form of contraception as far as this heterosexual is concerned anyway. I do not find off-the-bum jeans the sexy male equivalent of an off-the-shoulder dress on a woman in any shape or form.

Though I guess I should probably lower my standards re my insistence on a nice three-piece suit!

Joking aside, the couldn't-care-less attitude toward society and dearth even of self-respect embodied by this kind of clothing makes me shudder.

Evidently some states in the US share my concern and are now outlawing these jeans Lousiana's Saggy Pants Crackdown. Britain could do worse than follow suit!


Steve said...

If such sexual semaphoring is true then Simon Cowell's waistline-cinched-up-to-just-below-his-nipples approach must surely indicate sexual repression and maybe even sexual fear of an incredible magnitude?

Like you I find this baggy arsed fashion incomprehensible. It looks stupid. It doesn't look cool. But if it encourages young men to keep their undies clean and changed daily I guess it has at least one good side...

Lucy Fishwife said...

I thought the slackness was supposed to denote you'd had your belt taken away because of having been in prison - or that you hadn't had time to check the size while shoplifting them! My cousin occasionally wears them (in his defence he's 28 and a DJ) - he claims they're referred to, disgustingly, as "shitcatchers". To which one can only say LO! Another reason not to wear them!!

rebecca said...

i find it one of the most unattractive fashion trends out there and, i question, how comfortable can it really be when you have to constantly pull on your jeans to make sure they don't fall off? i'm with you, as a woman, is a definite turn-off.

i liked steve's answer on cowell though! thought that was pretty funny!

KAZ said...

I'm surprised at Louisiana's attitude as only last week I read that the police liked the look. Apparently the criminals couldn't run away fast enough and the fat plods had more chance of catching them.
I find them highly entertaining.

garfer said...

I take a similar view regarding baggy (usually stained) track suit bottoms.

You won't catch me wearing Alladin's cast offs.

Steerforth said...

I will never be truly happy until we see a return to 18th century gentlemen's fashions. Tricorn hats always look good and the popularity of wigs meant that the less hirsute men could hold their heads up high.

Since the industrial revolution, men's clothing has become increasingly dull and utilitarian.

I had hoped that Adam and the Ants were the first wave of a revival of breeches and velvet, but something went wrong.

I blame the Thompson Twins.

Can Bass 1 said...

A cassock hides a multitude of sins, Laura. (And thankfully, the boys still have to wear school uniform on choir days. Mind you, you should see what some of them wear on choir tours. And we've got girls next...)

The Sagittarian said...

One of my step-sons had his pants thus mal'adjusted. He is now in jail for quite sometime. I rest my case. YOUR honour (nd mine).

Oliver said...

My deliquent first flatmate in (whisper it) Leamington used to wear these 'falling-down' jeans and not much else.

One night a guy in a pub came up to him and said: 'I can see your arsehole!'

I almost fell off my chair laughing but the flatmate, a typically humourless fashion victim, was shocked at what he saw as this man's rudeness.

As they say, it's all in the genes...

Rol said...

Any chance we can also outlaw the female "muffin top" fashion that involves wearing too-tight jeans and too-short T-shirts so that everything in between spills out unpleasantly?

And while we're at it, those low-slung jeans that some women wear that enable us all to see the tops of their hideous g-strings.


No, don't start me.

Anonymous said...

haha you would just hate a snowboarding event then - they are all (un)dressed like that.

I don't find it at all appealing but then I suppose I wouldn't really. I am rather keen on off the shoulder numbers though and low-cut frocks but they look better on women than men in general.

moi said...

It's gotten so bad here in Albuturkey that I've taken to voicing my opinion about said bag-assed pants right to the offender's face (that's what reaching a certain, uhm, age, gets ya – license to judge publicaly.) But NOW, now, I have something even pithier to lob at the offenders: "Pull your pants up son. Don't you know that means you want to be buggered up the butt?" Bwahahahahahah!

The Poet Laura-eate said...

Interesting theory re the sexual sema-whoring and Simon Cowell Steve. Mind you he probably is a virgin in those jeans as they probably act as contraception in more ways than one!

LucyFishWife - that is indeed revolting, even for a DJ! Interesting about the belt removal/shoplifting theories, I hadn't heard of those.

Rebecca, thanks for dropping by! Funnily enough after all I said I realise to my horror I am often pulling my waistbands up as while trousers always fit in the shop they seem to get progressively looser on me as I wear them. However they don't quite look ridiculous yet, so I think they're safe for a few more wears.

Kaz that is so funny! And reminds me of the flasher I encountered in a subway when I was 18 walking to the cinema. Determined to ignore him I walked by, head in the air. He grabbed my arm, I whacked him with my umbrella and my last memory of him is him scuttling down the subway with his jeans around his knees, like the crab he was!

Garfer - a man with standards - good show!

Steerforth - you remind me of my erstwhile campaign 'Periwigs for all Men' With velvet pantaloons and dandified fopwear incorporating silk hose and buckled shoes, a lady would be spoiled for choice indeed! I hope you are keeping your end up for Lewes as it were! Good excuse to dress up at least when Bomfire night comes to town! The Fawkes-wear shops must coin it in.

CB1 - Every year on Ascension Day small boys come to my workplace to be rained upon by hot pennies in the front quad (harking back to the cruel custom of throwing pennies at the poor) and they grow scruffier every year with slacker school uniforms. Inflation no doubt - they should start chucking hot £1 coins at them.

Sagittarian, I do feel for you! Perhaps the jeans are a warning indeed not to trust their wearer.

Oliver, sounds like your flatmate appalled even the unfussy fashionists of Leamington (sorry Steve!)

Rol, isn't it ironic that it's always the chubby girls who do the crop top thing? In fact it's bizarre how many people you see wearing clothing emphasising and pointing veritable 'flashing arrows' at their worst physical assets, rather than enhancing their best! Too-skinny girls also look terrible in figure-hugging clothes as they have no figure to hug!

RB - I do share your feelings about sexy clothing - if only from a purely aesthetic point of view. Re the rest certain fashion crimes just should not be committed!

Moi - I'm pleased to have passed on some ammo in your war against the albuturkeys! And good on you for having the guts to tell them what's what!

Brother Tobias said...

Great post, courageously tackling a big topical issue. I'm late commenting as usual - I wanted to leave your post up until Bob came home, on account of the Social Secretary and me spotted some relevance to him in it which we thought he might enjoy (he didn't). How typically parental of us. Unlike Rol I rather rate thongs though, which probably makes me a pervert or something. (I mean I enjoy them as a spectacle; I don't wear them (they'd get lost).

The Poet Laura-eate said...

Shucks BT - I'm touched and humbled that you thought a mere posting on mine would have such a large psycho-social effect on your home demographic there!

Guess you could always try the 'You do realise that following the herd is not rebelling, don't you son?' tack next!

Donn Coppens said...

The 'crack-addict' look came from Prison where inmates are not allowed to have belts. It is supposed to 'gangsta-up' the street cred of the fashionably impaired asshats who think it's cool.

It's pathetic.

Wisewebwoman said...

I find the look rather hysterical, Laura and make a point of watching skateboarders in such attire doing their whirligigs. I always applaud and guffaw loudly, pointing at their underwear, when the jeans fall down. As they inevitably do.
At my age, we get away with such things.

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