In it I will shockingly reveal how my parents abused me by;
.Forcibly strapping me to a 'pushchair' and restraining me with 'baby reins' until I was three, not to mention unlawfully imprisoning me in a 'playpen' whilst they abandoned me, to do the washing up or make a phone call.
These and many more abuses are laid starkly and rawly naked in my no-holds-barred last taboo bestseller-to-end-all-bestsellers ' I Was Locked In A Cupboard For Longer Than You!' - available exclusively from all Wainsburys supermarket outlets and budget flight airport vending machines. The wounds may have healed, but the scars remain festering.
The ideal pop-up stocking filler for Christmas at only £8.99 or six-for-one multibuy with every packet of coco-pops.