Wednesday, 14 November 2007

God Botherers

I mean how DARE they assume I'm not saved. What a flippin' cheek! And where is their moneyback guarantee that they could save my evil soul anyway? Not to mention the 70 dusky male virgins I really must insist upon, awaiting me in the hereafter! I mean most of these people don't even look like they can hold down jobs, let alone gods! Their sheer arrogance (or delusion) is breathtaking, although to be a bit charitable, maybe there is a case to be answered for having some sort of moral presence on the streets in this increasingly ammoral & godfree world of ours - of a hue that citizens of any creed could respect and respond to. Notwithstanding, we did used to have the Police.

To wit, one of my stock replies to street evangelists used to be (accompanied by a sweet smile) 'Thanks but I'm happy as a Satanist.'- since that is evidently what one must be in their eyes if not saved by them.

I often think about the big G and wonder how much respect he has for the snivellers and grovellers of this world, terrified to blow their noses without a celestial 'sign' of approval, as oppose to those who try to work things out for themselves and live according to their own inner moral compass (God-given, presumably). Then there's all the representations of His word and what His Will might be - all filtered through the vanity of multifarious fallible human egos with their own personal agendas. Oh dear.

Hereth ends my lesson in Sanctimony (my new religion wot I've just invented) for the day folks...

Big answers on small postcards (and all your money to Her Holiness, the Saint Laura-eate please.)


Oliver said...

Yes, very good. I generally find that saying you are a Roman Catholic puts them off, as they tend to see Catholics as the Anti-Christ! Either that or pretending you only understand German or some other language they can't really speak, forcing them to attempt evangelisation in a language they don't know! Byron of course would have challenged them to an epic swim, probably leading to their premature death by drowning!

Steve said...

Amen. We have regular street preachers here in Leamo - they are easy to spot because their always seems to be an invisble 50 yard exclusion zone around them as the crowds part and give them a wide berth. Big deal. They can recite from the Bible. They have the guts (?) to rebuke (judge?) perfect strangers in the street. As you say@ does this mean they are saved?

Anonymous said...

I just point out one of the many inconsistencies

My dad, who was a born-again atheist, used to actually invite
Jehovah's Witnesses in (which throws them to start with) and by the time they left they didn't believe in anything anymore.
I love arguing with God-botherers. It's the fixed tolerant smile on their faces. Once you've got rid of that, you're winning!

Big Al x

Rol Hirst said...

Seriously though: what would you do with 70 dusky male virgins? Somehow I picture them all wearing anoraks...

The Poet Laura-eate said...

Hmm the dance of the seven anoraks - interesting! Actually I hadn't quite thought it through Rol - I guess I just wanted them in the name of equality, being as there's never anything much for we girlies in religion usually. As for the muslim religion well if I were a young muslim male being asked to surrender my life for the cause, I'd demand to see the virgins first, wouldn't you?

So they part the crowds in Leamington Steve - must have some power then!

Good techniques Al!

Thanks for popping by Oliver - does the epic swim have any religious connertation by which it could be sold to them as necessary to their souls?

A.F. Harrold said...

The Epic Hellespontic Swim, could easilty be sold to them as a Really Long, In Depth Baptism... they'd love it, it's a way of life.

Oliver said...

A.F. is right. The epic swim is a win-win for the God botherer. Rebirth and a heavenly demise in one sweet Byronic challenge.

I am glad I'm a strong swimmer!