Wednesday, 22 August 2007

Motion for an Air Passenger Strike!

Not a piece for posterity I fear, (the red mist of a recent flightmare descended – and I may say those Heathrow protestors have nothing on the airport's OWN staff in terms of anti-flight action!) However I hope you will enjoy nonetheless since it's that season.

Welcome to Heathrow Airport

The passengers are striking, refusing to board their flights
They're all demanding refunds for breach of human rights
Forced to wait in mile-long queues with lives in plastic bags
Stripped of jewellery, jackets, shoes, phones, mags, water, keys and fags.
And is that a pacemaker bleeping Sir? Better take it out
Oh dear you've missed your plane, just as well you'll soon conk out
What do you mean you're from Margate, Madam?
There's no recognised ethnicity of that name
How long? Oh, just all your life and you can prove it I suppose?
Think you're clever do you, trying to pull a fast one in infidel western clothes?
We've seen your sort before, yes I had a GP once just like you
Claimed he was Caucasian CofE, and tried to kill me with those heart pills too

We know you indigenous Brits, you'll blow up anything
And ok yes, we can't be seen to be 'discriminating'
You might break into the cockpit and moisturise the pilot to death
We had an attack only last week, Gold Spot assault on the cabin crew breath
This is all for your own good, better safe than sorry
So I'm a frustrated born-too-late Nazi. Shoot me.
But if you don't like my torment, you know where you can get off
Just remember one 'f*ck off' and no take off!
I'm in charge and I rule by fear
One word from me and your holiday ends here.
Now don't move a muscle while I just take this internal call
Oh dear, I'd better let you through after all
We security staff are for the chop it seems, and the airport is closing down
This underutilised site's just been sold to developers, by order of Gordon Brown

© LS King 2007

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Steve said...


I like Frankie Boyle's take on things: if people want to disrupt Heathrow why don't they just do what everybody else does when they want to throw Heathrow into a state of complete and utter chaos: just book a flight...!

The Poet Laura-eate said...

Thanks for the kind words Steve, but actually this really *isn't* one of my better pieces! I probably ought to pull it out of respect to my arseistic integrity! Except that I quite like the sentiments in it, so maybe I'll leave it after all. High quality blog v enjoying myself! Decisions, decisions, eh? A blogger's lot is not an easy one.

Lucy Dee said...

Hey, I caught your blog via Steve's blog. I decided to stop by and check out the digs! Turns out I have a lot of catching up to do.

I think I might qualify under the category of, "Anyone who tries to make a difference."

I'm a standup comedienne in the US (NYC). Feel free to stop by and leave your mark.

Lovely coming across your blog.

Steve said...

Sometimes just saying something that needs to be said is more important than how you say it. And I can't beleive I just said that, me being a fellow poet and writer!